Do you struggle to feel like you are good enough? Cultivating kindness can allow you to build healthy friendships that buffer you against all the storms and stress that the world throws at you. And the book argues that deep kindness is capable of that, if we know what it actually requires of us. Houston: Yeah, absolutely. And so, people in response to tragedy want to be of service. Exactly. Thank you so much for speaking on that topic. Yeah, I like to attach some adjectives to the word as opposed to trying to define it out, because the book really spends, the whole book’s trying to define it. They thought, here’s this terrible thing that happened to young people, we’re going to send stuffed animals. And one of the things that has been on my mind, and I know on the minds of many of our listeners of this program, any of our clients here at Growing Self who have parents—parents—children rather, is particularly in the life space that kids are growing in right now, where so many of their interactions are through video, if at all. Teachers are amazing. There’s so much research that I love, some of which comes from Dr. Michele Borba, who she says, as anxiety goes up, empathy goes down. And it’s that exercise of “What does this person need based on their life experience?” Not what I think they need based on mine, but what could they need based on their context, their life? Thank you, Houston. Maybe it’s a person you already get coffee with, or someone in your family or a friend or a co-worker. This super gorgeous song we’re listening together right now is called Angola Moon. , a revolutionary guide for the way we think, talk, and act in kindness. Like I want the people at my school, to feel belonging, and acceptance, and love, like all the things that I crave. You may also reach out to us and inquire about, and life coaching. There’s a lot of different components operating at once. And there is this kid at my school who he approached me saying, “Hey.” I was student body president, and he’s like, “You’re in charge of this stuff. Literally people from all over the world. What does this look like?” And we come back to that week-in, week-out. Because this sort of kindness isn’t free. And it usually costs us time and comfort. Copyright© 英語 × あそぶろぐ , 2020 AllRights Reserved. Where did this come from? It’s so easy to get swept away by all this stuff. It says, “We need to be reminded more than we need to be instructed.” It’s some of these things around being kind, or good, or generous to each other. And that same guy, John, who I heard speak, we co-founded the organization. Do you have any insights, or thoughts even about how one can cultivate the ability for empathy inside of themselves? Learn more. And ultimately, one of our most finite and precious resources is time. You mentioned that you lived in Venice, California. And so, you mentioned a few times in our conversation that you spend time with schools and developing curriculum. Support independent sellers. I’ve been working primarily in education. What are the things that I’m fearful of, that I don’t always associate to the practice of kindness because sometimes, if I’m thinking about confetti kindness, those feel worlds apart. You mentioned that you lived in Venice, California. And a practical strategy if you’re into this kind of thing is, you have a to-do list which we are, collectively as a society, I feel like, very drawn towards because checking things off is what culture tells us is a metric of love ability. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. Are we talking like paying for the Starbucks and the car behind you? That maybe makes them feel good, and maybe is good on a superficial level? I want to be present. I love this. These technologies are used for things like: We do this with social media, marketing, and analytics partners (who may have their own information they’ve collected). Dr. Lisa: Yeah, it makes me feels good to send a teddy bear. So those are some of the things that our content’s trying to help support schools with. We train educators on how to deliver our content in schools, and we were talking about kindness. In fact, the town of Newtown had to rent like a 20,000 square foot warehouse just to house all the inbound gifts including the animals. We’ve made it seem like it’s as simple, or as easy, or as free as confetti, for example. I can’t do it. What would this look like in action? And then my grandpa got sick with stage four pancreatic cancer. That’s a perspective. That’s wonderful. You can contact me through our website or find me on Instagram or Facebook. I mean, people like, intense on the sidewalk, right? But like being observant enough to say, based on what I’m seeing, and what I understand about you, I imagined that I could help you in two of these ways, “Does either sound good to you?” And like to be an active participant but also like making space. And also in the context of more and more time, and energy, and attention being spent in systems like YouTube, for example, that are designed very intentionally to hold the attention of little and older minds. Houston: That is a fun reminder of the power of influence that you don’t know. And it’s one of the things we have to work with specifically schools on, but in the context of our conversation. Dr. Lisa: Thank you so much. So our content, especially coming into this new school year, we’ve totally rewritten everything to adapt to the current reality, which is that students first and foremost need tools for stress, and coping, and resilience, right? Compassion in Latin means to suffer with. It feels like this is exactly what I believe in because I sense a collective gap, especially around the ideas of kindness or compassion where you ask a thousand people, “Do you think kindness is important?” and a thousand people are gonna be like, “yeah.” No, I’ve never asked anyone about what do you think about kindness and like, “Eh, it’s alright.” We agree that it’s a good thing. Just I think it’s dangerous to mistake it for the whole thing. To be able to take some of those same takeaways around if I want to be a more compassionate kind of interconnected person, needing to have time and space where I’m interacting with people, and being able to maybe even ask myself some of those questions too. And empathy can be tough. We can improve our emotional awareness of others by more accurately tapping into how we’re feeling on any given day. And I wasn’t involved in the meetings, because sort of his job was to recruit the people from these ancillary groups that felt otherwise othered, or not a sense of belonging. I was visiting Maine partially to be with him, and I’m sitting in the room before my flight, and I recognize that this is probably the last time I get to be with my papa. So fast forward, whatever it is… 16, 17 years later, I get to work alongside the guy that inspired sort of the trajectory of my life. That’s really great. Let’s practice it. So the thing that I am giving to you, whether it is my attention, whether it is something monetary, or whether it is words that you need in the moment. That is a fun reminder of the power of influence that you don’t know. Afraid, but I like the rhyme. And it begs us to change the way we think about time in our brain. Dr. Gary Chapman has the amazing book Five Love Languages, where he talks about this idea that we give and receive love in different ways. That’s one of the ways I describe deep kindness. And sometimes the person who has who is a really effective leader aren’t always using their influence for good, right? And while we are kind of talking about that, “Who do you want to be? We have court every quarter. And this kid felt pretty generally outcasted from the vast majority of school, and we built this club together that met every two weeks. Anxiety, fear, narcissism. Because it is a large scale in the world for us? And then everyone also writes out a work goal and a home goal. Empathy and deep kindness also get easier the more we practice. And I remember one of our leadership values was selfless service. And so empathy as an idea, is actually a lot of different micro skills coming together to work together toward something. Find out more in our Cookies & Similar Technologies Policy. by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast, Music Credits: Angola Moon by An Eagle on Your Mind. Sometimes the power of a simple invitation to join student leadership, which I previously had no interest in, and as a result of joining, I went to the summer camp. That’s amazing. And the framework of the book is sort of three categories: incompetence, insecurity, and inconvenience. And we need tools around empathy, building compassion. What did I do?” And really kind of like, having an almost an accountability piece there for yourself. Those would be some of the words that come to mind when we’re talking about the practice of deep kindness in our life. Dr. Lisa: Wow. And I saw him speak one time in front of a roomful of student leaders, and he goes saying, “How many of you have had a parent or guardian in the past month, at the end of the day asks you the question, ‘What did you do for others today?’. Perspective-taking is an exercise that entails thinking about what a person needs based on their context. And we put a huge focus on the sort of the practical side of it. Yeah? Sometimes it requires us to pay closer attention and listen to people better so that we can actually meet a need, as opposed to just making us feel good and the action itself. And afterwards, the parent cleans up, and does the dishes, and put stuff away which is giving the student time to get to their other tasks, their homework, their work.” She goes, “And for some students, kindness, and it’s still kindness to them, is the fact that their grandmother left some leftovers in the fridge when they get home from their second job.” Like, those are both actions of kindness. Tell the story, though. You can change your preferences any time in your Privacy Settings. So I know, do you have a few more minutes to talk with me? We've sent you an email to confirm your subscription. They’re just contextualized by our experience. So both of my parents, of course, you have to have those loving relationships growing up. One of my favorite lines of the book is that “The kind of kindness the world needs is one that listens well in order to love better.” So that sort of easily forgotten-about skill of listening and how critical it is to informed kindness, talk about our willingness to connect this idea of courage. So this has been such an interesting conversation. A teddy bear is great.” But he said a stuffed animal doesn’t pay for counseling. Schedule a Free Consultation Today. Houston shared his tips for cultivating the type of mindset that will allow you to side-step the obstacles to kindness so that you can be the kind person you most want to be. One of my studies that frustrates me the most because it is so indicative of this gap comes from Harvard’s, project. You may also reach out to us and inquire about online therapy and life coaching. The things they said yes to, were actually really rich and important and meaningful. Kindness can restore hope, and provide meaning and purpose in a mad world. I must hear the story. “Have courage and be kind.” The movie doesn’t explain how Ella is able to perform this feat in the face of such mistreatment, but she does. So there’s sort of two ideas here, right? It’s called. A pretty profound paradigm shift around what leadership meant. And I think this is actually really important. The things they said yes to, were actually really rich and important and meaningful. Thank you so much for speaking on that topic. Did you enjoy this episode? Teachers are amazing. and tune in every week on Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, or Stitcher. And also though, do so in a way or and through social media that is hooking people in because it is recreating a lot of the experiences that people have in relationships. Yes, learning how to have courage and be kind is good for others. It’s just one of the first things that we develop, but we can improve that. When you talk about being kind, what are you talking about? Find things you'll love. Around “What am I going to do? I’m laser focused on one. And you sort of alluded to it earlier, but you give yourself language to identify those needs. Authentic, deep kindness is hard to practice. Listen to find out! So now we’re incurring a cost on the town who’s already reeling, and one of the people that helped facilitate and create the candlelight vigil said that there were more stuffed animals in attendance than there were people. We could go further. Like, you know, we were just chatting when we first started talking to each other. And the argument of the book is actually, the type of kindness the world needs costs a lot. If there’s so many things to help that sometimes it’s easier just to say, “That’s impossible. Would they be more likely to stop and help? That’s wonderful. But I have to know just out of curiosity, if we had gotten to high school together, Houston, what would you have said to the group of kids in the black t-shirts under the bleachers, smoking cigarettes, and glaring at people? You see, like “Just be kind.” You say, this kindness… sprinkle that stuff everywhere, or the one I see most often in schools is “Throw kindness around like confetti.”. Going on little diplomatic missions, into different cliques in the school… that is just incredible. In contrast, it’s much easier to fall into thoughtless self-absorption that prioritizes your needs, rights and feelings over those of others. So, I got invited by a teacher. Perspective-taking is an exercise that entails thinking about what a person needs based on their context. Taking exercise we have to grow into, choose our practice into, and this kid came to me, and we sat down together. But you know, as we’re talking, there are a lot of really difficult things happening in the world around us that can feel very overwhelming. She meant, they said no to a lot of things. And that the greatest leaders sacrifice and are willing to serve people despite how comfortable or convenient it is. Thanks for listening! Well, I’ll be sure to keep in touch with you, and see what kinds of interesting things you guys all do going forward. Among them she says, in all of the data she discovered, that the most compassionate people are also the most boundaried. My name is Houston Kraft. What did I do?” And really kind of like, having an almost an accountability piece there for yourself. So they don’t feel like they’re being pitied. You say that word “be kind,” or you give this prompt “be kind.” And that means so many things to so many people because we have our dictionary definition of a word. Right? And I feel like moments like that put a sort of a bizarre pressure on saying, like having this like, quote-unquote, perfect experience with this person you love. It is a matter of attention allocation. But like, I’m still trying to wrap my mind around how you in high school, had such this well-developed sense of, “I’m going to be the sprinkler of love.” And I mean, just like thinking of myself in high school, the kid smoking cigarettes under the bleachers, and the black t-shirt like glaring at people, we can go different ways.
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